|Sorry attempt at writing a poem...
||[Dec. 22nd, 2008|01:52 am]
|||||The Cosby Show in the background||]|
Background Info: So its 1am in the Monday Morning, I been home for like 4 days, due to all the snow, and I can't sleep, cause I took a nap. This is a free write poem of whatever is coming to my mind:
Hmmm..early in the morning, watching The Cosby Show reruns while browsing on myspace and facebook. So bored, wish we could of have church today, can't wait until the commericalism of Christmas is over, its amazing how the country is getting deeper and deeper in debt, and people still are consumed with buying stupid gifts, that people don't even need, me and mom didn't even put up a tree, we decided to adopt an child in foster care, and shower him with gifts, which in my mind, is so much better, do I sound like a grinch..maybe I am, but I just hate how the world, with its politicaly correct self, has transformed Christmas, away from Christ's birth, but really, Christ wasn't even more this time of year, so are we really celerbrating his birth? What are we celerbrating..consumerism, buy, spend, buy, spend, buy, spend. Over and over again, when will this cycle ever end? I made up in my mind, if I ever have a husband and kids, we are celerbrating Kwanzaa..lol. aww the topic of marriage..now since I am 25...its the forefront of my mind, I can't shake it, starting to realize that maybe I will be alone for the rest of my life. No one understands..they are like aww..don't worry..but I am..25, 25, 25, and no where close to having an intimate relationship with anyone, will I be contempt with being alone, will I be okay? Yes, no, yes, no, yes, Noooooooo, I want to be loved, I want the house with the white picket fence, I want the 2.5 kids, I want the American Dream, well my version of it anyway, I'm 2 quarters away from earning my MSW, a great accomplishment, but in the back in my mind, it still echos, you are alone, always will be alone, no one loves you, hopeless, every night, the voices get louder, and louder,..worthless, ugly, you will die alone, unloved...but people say Jamia you got family, friends, yes I do..but when all those people turn to their husbands, wives, boyfriends, or girlfriends..who do I turn to..alone, unloved, misarable, loser, worthless. But then I see the light, Jesus is in my life, Jesus, the one stable man in my life, so I try my harderst to remember, that with him, I will never be alone,..but the voices grow louder and louder each night, I'm falling, falling into a deeper depression, wondering about my future, wondering, if someone will love me, can I love someone, someone to share my inner most feelings with, my deepest secrets, all I can do is pray, pray that the Lord will direct my path and give me the desires of my heart, I know he is able, and I just gotta have faith..faith, faith, awww what a beautiful thing, but easier said then done, gotta have faith, all I need is the size of a mustard seed, faith, faith, faith. Thats all I have to hold on to, Please Lord, quiet the voices, I want to sleep tonight, faith, faith, faith.