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Sorry attempt at writing a poem... [Dec. 22nd, 2008|01:52 am]
[Current Location |At home]
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]
[Current Music |The Cosby Show in the background]

Background Info: So its 1am in the Monday Morning, I been home for like 4 days, due to all the snow, and I can't sleep, cause I took a nap. This is a free write poem of whatever is coming to my mind:

Hmmm..early in the morning, watching The Cosby Show reruns while browsing on myspace and facebook. So bored, wish we could of have church today, can't wait until the commericalism of Christmas is over, its amazing how the country is getting deeper and deeper in debt, and people still are consumed with buying stupid gifts, that people don't even need, me and mom didn't even put up a tree, we decided to adopt an child in foster care, and shower him with gifts, which in my mind, is so much better, do I sound like a grinch..maybe I am, but I just hate how the world, with its politicaly correct self, has transformed Christmas, away from Christ's birth, but really, Christ wasn't even more this time of year, so are we really celerbrating his birth? What are we celerbrating..consumerism, buy, spend, buy, spend, buy, spend. Over and over again, when will this cycle ever end? I made up in my mind, if I ever have a husband and kids, we are celerbrating Kwanzaa..lol. aww the topic of marriage..now since I am 25...its the forefront of my mind, I can't shake it, starting to realize that maybe I will be alone for the rest of my life. No one understands..they are like aww..don't worry..but I am..25, 25, 25, and no where close to having an intimate relationship with anyone, will I be contempt with being alone, will I be okay? Yes, no, yes, no, yes, Noooooooo, I want to be loved, I want the house with the white picket fence, I want the 2.5 kids, I want the American Dream, well my version of it anyway, I'm 2 quarters away from earning my MSW, a great accomplishment, but in the back in my mind, it still echos, you are alone, always will be alone, no one loves you, hopeless, every night, the voices get louder, and louder,..worthless, ugly, you will die alone, unloved...but people say Jamia you got family, friends, yes I do..but when all those people turn to their husbands, wives, boyfriends, or girlfriends..who do I turn to..alone, unloved, misarable, loser, worthless. But then I see the light, Jesus is in my life, Jesus, the one stable man in my life, so I try my harderst to remember, that with him, I will never be alone,..but the voices grow louder and louder each night, I'm falling, falling into a deeper depression, wondering about my future, wondering, if someone will love me, can I love someone, someone to share my inner most feelings with, my deepest secrets, all I can do is pray, pray that the Lord will direct my path and give me the desires of my heart, I know he is able, and I just gotta have faith..faith, faith, awww what a beautiful thing, but easier said then done, gotta have faith, all I need is the size of a mustard seed, faith, faith, faith. Thats all I have to hold on to, Please Lord, quiet the voices, I want to sleep tonight, faith, faith, faith.


[User Picture]From: joz_music
2008-12-25 08:58 pm (UTC)
Ok girl, prepare yourself for a Holy Ghost PIMP SLAP!!!!!

Look, there are things that God has called you to do, and He trusts that you will walk out and do them. The person He has for you has to be busy with the Father's business as well, and wont find you until the appointed time. To paraphrase one of our greatest poets - A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek HIM first to find her.
So hide yourself in Him & in those things He has called you to do. If the desires in your heart are of Him, He will give them to you. Isn't that what He promised you? Isn't that what His word says?
You don't want some man that YOU have to find and work to keep. You want a strong, anointed, mighty, FINE man who will find & work to keep you. You are cherished by the Most High, and He will only trust a truly good man to take care of His chosen daughter. So until he finds you, continue to find yourself in God.

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[User Picture]From: mia8009
2009-01-27 09:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you soo much for your words!!! This really encouraged me, more than you will ever know and I take to heart every word. God Bless you and your family!!
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